Long-term relationships go through changes over time. However, if one of those changes is a lack of intimacy, there might be a troubling reason for it. Thankfully, there’s something you can do about it. A dating expert has revealed the top reason women stop sleeping with their husbands and how to fix it.
Dr. Sarah Hensley has a Ph.D. in Social Psychology and has been studying the science of relationships for over 15 years, so she knows a thing or two about dating and marriage. Known as “The Dating Decoder” on TikTok, Dr. Hensley often shares useful and sometimes controversial information and relationship theories. Such was the case when the dating expert revealed the top reason most women stop being intimate with their husbands.
First, contrary to some popular myths and stereotypes that go around, most married couples have sex regularly. So, if romance in the bedroom dries up after you’ve tied the knot, the lack of intimacy is likely indicative of a very real and deep problem. Thankfully, Dr. Hensley claims to have identified the primary cause, but she admits it’s not something most men want to hear. However, that didn’t stop the doctor from dropping her truth bomb on the internet.
@the_dating_decoder First, seggs is a code word you can hopefully figure out because I’m not about to get kicked off. Secondly, there ARE other reasons like feeling like their husband doesn’t help them with the workload, or affairs, etc. BUT this is THE biggest reason by far. Calm down and breathe, I know it may be hard to hear and you’ll get triggered. But I am here to help you start getting your needs met. Don’t shoot the messanger. I am direct and I make no apologies for my assertiveness. I’m a coach not a therapist. #love #relationships #intimacy #marriage #attachmentstyle #fyp #foryoupage
Making it very clear that she didn’t care who she upset, Dr. Hensley got right to the point, revealing the most common reason why most women stop having sex in a relationship. “The primary reason why women stop having sex with their husbands is because they don’t feel emotionally safe,” Hensley declared. “The reason they don’t feel emotionally safe is because their attachment needs are not being met inside their relationship.”
In the caption of her clip, Dr. Hensley admitted that there could be other reasons, “like feeling like their husband doesn’t help them with the workload” or “affairs.” However, according to the relationship expert, not feeling emotionally safe with their spouse was the “biggest reason by far” for women withdrawing from physical intimacy. Luckily, the doctor wasn’t sharing to point fingers but rather to help her viewers get their needs met. But first, you have to understand what attachment needs are.
“Attachment needs are our deepest needs inside a romantic relationship,” Dr. Sarah Hensley explained. “And if those things are not fulfilled, we will not feel emotionally safe,” she continued. “Especially for women, when there is a lack of emotional safety, they start feeling very unsafe giving their bodies to their partner.” Women who don’t feel their emotional needs are met “simply can’t get physically turned on by their partners anymore,” according to Hensley, who warned they might even become extremely unattracted to their husbands.
There are three different attachment styles, each of which has very different needs. So, “knowing the attachment style of your partner is really the key to the kingdom,” according to Hensley, who added that knowing your partner’s attachment style can guarantee that both individuals get “all their needs met inside the relationship.” She then broke down each attachment style, describing how it’s typically formed and its biggest need:
- Anxious/preoccupied: This person most likely grew up in an ambivalent home, possibly with a caregiver who sometimes positively responded to their needs and other times ignored them, according to Fierce. This individual’s biggest need in a relationship is “love, affection, and reassurance,” Dr. Hensley explained. “They need lots of reassurance every single day [to know] that you love them, the relationship is stable, and that you are appreciative of them.”
- Disorganized/fearful-avoidant: This person might have experienced aggression or hostility from their parents when they voiced their needs. As an adult in a relationship, their biggest need is to “feel seen, heard, and understood,” according to Dr. Hensley, who explained that they must “trust you to show up for them.”
- Avoidant/dismissive: This person might have lived with distant, detached caregivers. For this individual, “space, autonomy, and lack of criticism” are key, according to Dr. Hensley.
When a woman’s emotional needs are not met, they often report feelings of disgust with their spouse, saying they “physically cannot get turned on by their partners anymore,” Dr. Hensley warned, adding that some “get the ick so majorly bad.” Of course, this becomes a barrier to physical intimacy. Explaining this obstacle, Dr. Hensley asked, “Could you open up your body and allow someone to penetrate your being if you feel disgusted by them?”
Decades of studies by countless researchers have led to the development of the attachment theory, which supports Dr. Sarah Hensley’s remarks. However, that didn’t stop people — mostly men — from accusing the female doctor of bias. But the proof is in the pudding, and the vast majority of commenters — both women and men — agreed that when they feel emotionally safe, they are more likely to desire a physical connection with their significant other. This emotional safety occurs when needs are being met. So, if you want physical intimacy, listen to your partner and make an effort to understand and fulfill their need to feel safe and secure in the relationship. It really is that easy.
