After banning her conservative uncle from her wedding because of his political beliefs, a progressive bride expected him to send a “$1,000 check.” To her surprise, she received even more than she had bargained for.
Desperate to resolve a family dispute, a concerned mother wrote to Amy Dickinson, better known as the advice columnist “Dear Amy” in the Detroit Free Press. In her letter, the anonymous author painted a scenario that has unfortunately become far too common.
The woman explained that her daughter, who she describes as “very politically progressive,” recently got married. Leading up to the wedding, the daughter decided she didn’t want her Uncle Dave at the ceremony because of his conservative beliefs.
“Four months before my daughter’s wedding, she told me that her uncle (my brother, ‘Dave’) would make her feel unsafe if he was a guest. She asked me not to invite him,” the mother wrote. “My daughter is very politically progressive, as are many of her friends, and although she and Dave have always had a good relationship (I thought), he is a conservative voter and has supported candidates we all abhor. Dave has always been very nice, so my daughter’s request surprised me.”
The mother explained that she wrote her brother a “very nice note” telling him he was not invited to the wedding. Graciously, Uncle Dave didn’t make any fuss and refrained from attending the wedding as requested. The mother went on to say that she sent Dave a card and pictures from the wedding in order to “make him feel like he was not being totally left out.”
“I have not heard from Dave since then. When my siblings found out what I had done they were angry with me,” she wrote.
However, there was a bigger problem. According to the mother of the bride, Dave has yet to buy a wedding gift for her daughter and son-in-law. Incredibly, she couldn’t understand why her brother, who has given lavish gifts in the past, failed to send his niece anything.
“In the past, Dave has given family members wedding checks in excess of $1,000. She says she was counting on receiving the same type of gift,” she explained. “My husband says I should drop it – but I can’t. Dave’s behavior is upsetting and embarrassing to me. How can I get my brother to recognize and change his petty behavior? Please don’t tell me that I’m the one who started this by not inviting my brother to the wedding. After all, he’s a grown man, while my daughter is young and just starting out.”
In one fell swoop, advice columnist Amy Dickinson brutally ripped apart each point of the letter, publicly exposing the daughter’s entitlement and the mother’s enabling behavior.
“Let’s recap: Your delicate daughter is too frightened to be near a conservative voter to allow her uncle ‘Dave’ to attend her wedding. She then asks you to do her dirty work for her, and (of course) you do! Fine – so far, we have only a bride’s prerogative to create her own guest list, and her mother’s choice to protect her from any consequences, which is your prerogative. You then rub the excluded guest’s nose in this wedding by sending him photos of the event to which he has pointedly not been invited,” she replied.
Dickinson then tore into the expectation of a gift, which she says will definitely land the bride in the “Bridezilla Hall of Infamy.”
“In short: Brides who are too afraid of family members to invite them to a family wedding don’t then get the pleasure of receiving their money,” she wrote. “You seem almost as afraid of your daughter as she is of your brother, but I hope you’ll find a way to courageously tell her that the Bank of Uncle Dave is closed, at least to your branch of the family.”
Dickinson concluded by praising Uncle Dave for acting with grace and dignity, despite the hypocritical behavior of his sister and niece. She points out that Dave is doing exactly what they asked by “steering clear” of them. Unfortunately for these women, the letter has since gone viral, exposing both the bride and her mother for their entitled and selfish actions.
The women wanted to exclude a beloved family member based on his personal political views, yet still expected him to quietly send them a chunk of his hard-earned money. Along with public mockery, they each get exactly what they deserve — the daughter gets nothing and the mother of the bride gets the bill.
